Report AFK is back with something truly unnecessary but deeply inevitable: Shock Collar Hearts, a satirical parody music video inspired by funderful streamer culture, endless crashouts, and Hasan Piker’s heroic inability to stop talking about Asmongold.
This isn’t journalism. This is therapy.
If you’ve spent any time watching any liberal-leaning livestreams over the past year, you’ve probably noticed a pattern:
Stream starts on random topic
Streamer brings up Asmongold or Trump
Everything collapses
Rinse. Repeat. Good times?
Shock Collar Hearts was born from that loop. Not from one clip, not from one meltdown, but from the ritual itself. The crashout isn’t a bug anymore. It’s the content.
The song is written from a purely fictionalized first-person perspective from Hasan, who insists he’s above streamer drama while obsessing over basically everything that Asmongold says or does.
Any resemblance to real life is, of course, deeply inconvenient.
Every internet arc needs a mascot and (lucky us) – this one came with a battery pack!
Collargate didn’t just become the little pushback that Hasan was hoping for, it became a symbol.
Once all the jokes escaped containment, there was no going back. And the internet did what it always does best: clipped it, remixed it, memed it, and never ever let it rest.
Shock Collar Hearts leans a bit into that bag of funsies.
Let’s be clear: Shock Collar Hearts is not about Asmongold…well, except for the parts where it very much is.
In the video, I basically try to exaggerate a phenomenon that viewers have pointed out for years: the paradox of claiming not to care about someone while knowing every hot take they’ve ever had, down to the upload timestamp and what they were wearing when they said it.
Calling someone “obsessed” while going to their page every ten minutes is a level of irony that deserves musical treatment.
Thus: love ballad.
Before anyone crashes out in the comments: yes, this is satire. Yes, it’s exaggerated. No, it does not endorse violence, harassment, or putting shock collars on streamers as acts of retribution…I assume.
It does, however, endorse laughing at how ridiculous everyone has become and how it seems like algorithms tend to reward the loudest meltdown over anything mildly resembling common sense.
Shock Collar Hearts exists because the internet refuses to move on, along with all of the people trapped inside it.
And that’s okay.
So If you enjoyed the video, consider dropping a sub to my YouTube channel so I can validate making more videos for my legendary 400 subscribers!
The song should be available on Spotify, Apple Music, iTunes, and all that other fun stuff soon. You can check out my distribution page to see if they’re ready here, but will likely take a couple of days.
This was a commentary article based on publicly available information and personal opinion. Readers are encouraged to form their own conclusions based on the sources cited.
All images, logos, and video clips used in this article are the property of their respective owners. This content is used for the purposes of commentary, criticism, and news reporting under the guidelines of Fair Use (17 U.S.C. § 107). No copyright infringement is intended. If you are the copyright holder and believe your content has been used improperly, please contact us directly.
Tagged as:
Asmongold Drama Hasan Piker Music Streaming Theme Songs
About the author call_made
Hi, I'm the founder and editor-in-chief of Report AFK, a gaming and anime site built for people who are tired of sanitized mainstream media coverage and toothless hot takes. I want to bring both the technical know-how and battle-tested gamer instincts to every article here. Whether I'm deep-diving into ARAM strats, roasting a broken patch, or side-eyeing the latest "diverse" but soulless AAA release, I write with one goal in mind: cut the fluff and tell it how it is. I've worked in digital marketing and spoke in conferences nationwide, but my heart’s always been in the trenches of gaming - whether that’s grinding ladders, theorycrafting late at night, or binge-watching the 38th questionable isekai this season. Follow my rants, insights, and updates on ReportAFK.com and let me know what you think in the comments - I read (and usually respond to) every. single. one.
A place for gamers, by gamers, untarnished by corporate gaming media and their nonstop attempts to elevate bad games while denouncing any developers brave enough to stand up to them.
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Skyler
January 20, 2026
Hahahaha what in the weird ass shit did I just watch? That dream thing with Hasan and Asmongold was weird. Beautifully twisted but weird.
Ayefkay
January 29, 2026
Don’t judge me Skyler!
Glad you liked it though!